The Onboard Spa

All shipboard spas are run by the same company: Steiner of London. It is not obvious that this is the case for Princess Cruises - they only refer to their spas as the "Lotus Spas", which made me think that it might be run by a different group. Once we got on board, the Steiner label started surfacing, and the spa experience was very similar on this cruise to our Alaska cruise on Royal Caribbean. The spa technicians, whether hair stylists, nail technicians, massage therapists, or fitness instructors, are all masters of the upsell. On Royal Caribbean, our daughter had a facial. After it, we met her in the corridor outside our room, and she was carrying a huge shopping bag. They had handed her a raft of skincare products without telling her that there was a charge for them. To even things up, we told her older sister that she could go on a similar product-buying spree, and I vowed to be more vigilant on this trip.

We mostly did okay. During the spa tour on the first day aboard, they showed us their "thermal suite" - heated tile benches, an oriental-themed sauna, two steam rooms, and the "rainforest shower". We could buy passes to this marvel for $70 per person, $109 for a couple, or $175 for a family. Since I'd spent so much time in the (free) steam room and sauna on our Alaska cruise, this seemed like something we needed to do, so we handed over the cards. Subsequent to our purchase of the passes, I found out that the changing rooms included a (free) sauna and steam room, just like on the Alaska trip. They, of course, didn't mention these features of the spa during the tour.

I got upsold on a massage the first day out - nasty hotel beds had left me with a really stiff back, and I wanted a massage similar to what we get at home - deep tissue, including the use of elbows and little pointed sticks when necessary to get the trigger points to release a bit. The receptionist convinced me to spend an additional $60 to get the hot stones massage, because it would go deeper than the sports massage and was an hour and 15 minutes instead of the 50-minute sports massage. I suppose it did go deeper - and it was nice, but for what I paid for it, I could have had a 3-hour massage at home. I resisted buying any aromatherapy products that would supposedly reduce my muscle tension, as well as a product that would help my arthritic thumb joints.

I also went to one of the complimentary seminars in the fitness center: Keys to a Flatter Stomach. I'm always in favor of a flatter stomach, so we trotted up to absorb knowledge. And I'll now share my knowledge with you. Complimentary, too. The key to a flatter stomach is apparently cleansing. Specifically, cleansing using organic seaweed and algae compounds only sold in the spa. For anywhere from 3 months to a year. At $100/month. But before you can tell whether you can slide by on 3 months' worth or if you're in for the long haul, you have to spring for an electronic metabolism assessment at $33. Needless to say, my stomach is no flatter today than it was before the seminar.

Our daughter had a manicure/pedicure during a port day. When she signed up for it, the receptionist reminded her to bring along her discount coupon to get 15% off - and she did. What the receptionist did not tell her was that all in-port manicure/pedicures were reduced in price by $40 from the at-sea price - and they took the 15% off the at-sea price. And then tried to sell her some sort of oil to help with the dry skin on her heels. We said no. And I think on any future cruises, I will avoid these joints like the plague.