"Dad-N-Lad" Outfits for All

Back before this blog started, my family took a cruise to Alaska on RCCL Vision of the Seas (my favorite ship to date, although I liked the Mexican Riviera better as a destination, because it was warm). Anyway, as part of preparations for that cruise, I bought the four of us matching raincoat/windbreakers that folded into their own pockets, so we could deal with the vagaries of Alaskan weather in June. They turned out to be quite handy, and I still wear mine occasionally. We referred to them as the "Family Von Trapp" coats, and I don't actually know how keen my familiy was to look even a little alike in that way.

Flash forward quite a few years (4? I think) and with 14 of us going on a cruise together, I'm starting to think that I have something a little strange in my mental outlook. Because after we found out that my parents were springing for the bulk of our costs, I used some of our surplus funds to buy all 14 of us matching embroidered polo shirts. Nothing traditional, though - polo shirts only because some members of the family were whining about the need to have collared shirts in order to eat dinner on the ship.

Ordinary people, going out to buy matching shirts for a family group, would have them embroidered with something like "X Family Cruise...." on them. Not me. Our shirts are essentially nonsensical (picture the Japanese fashion statement of having clothes with English words on them, notwithstanding the fact that the words make no sense), with an unrelated logo, and the only connection with our family was that the words start with the first initials of our combined last names. More than that, I will not say, since we haven't shown them to anyone but my parents yet. The big reveal is this coming Sunday at a mob birthday party. I think they're pretty cool, but I could be alone in that opinion.

My calendar thing says 1 month 3 weeks and the odd day! Woo hoo! On the other hand, I guess that means I really need to get going on the sewing, huh?

Shorts and stuff

I'm happy to report that all passports have arrived well in advance of sailing, and that I think we're all booked for shore excursions, although there were a few of us that didn't get in on the parasailing group before it filled up.

In any event, progress is being made - and in the right direction, too. I have solved the shoe dilemma, and have my new Birkies ("training sandals" according to my brother-in-law) in hand. And I think I've found some "dress" shorts - dressy enough for casual dining, anyway, which to me means chino walking shorts in a variety of colors.

I have some sewing on my plate yet - formal night dresses for my sister and my niece - but they should be reasonably quick, I hope.

This is all going way too smoothly.

And then things got so simple!

Last Wednesday, I got an e-mail from my sister, with the subject "Just found this on Cruise review changes to Carnival Dress code!!!" The text was:

Hey this is from a thread that was just posted on 3/28. Might give some options for the non-formal dining nights without costing an arm and a leg.
http://www.carnival.com/CMS/FAQs/Dining_Room_Dress_Requirements.aspx

She was right. We can now wear "dress shorts", t-shirts, and jeans to dinner on casual nights, and the "formal" nights have been re-christened "elegant" nights, and the standards accordingly lowered. My guess is that they're bowing to the inevitable, but whatever the reason, my pack list got a bunch shorter with that announcement. And the number of things I need to buy.

Not that I'm taking jeans - who'd wear jeans in June in the Caribbean? But shorts for most dinners, maybe one casual skirt... How cool is that?

It screwed up the 3-shoe challenge for a little while, but after thinking about it, it's still doable. I was going to take tennies, crocs, and dinner shoes (swappable between casual and formal outfits). But I don't think they make shoes that go with shorts and cocktail dresses. So I've shifted things. Now, it's tennies, formal shoes, and a new pair of Birkies, to handle shore-excursions and casual dining. I'll miss the crocs, but not that much.

Woo Hoo! Less stuff to do on top of way too much work all of a sudden (I know, these days, that's a good problem), a graduation party to plan, a family wedding, and 3 birthdays, all between now and June.

Why this would make it hit home, I have no idea

Two nights ago, I got my husband signed up for his golf excursion online, and then followed his verbal instructions to reserve equipment for him and my brother-in-law (our normal baggage is bad enough; we don't need to add golf clubs). Yesterday morning, he forwarded this e-mail to me:

Hello Mr. XXX:

Thank you for choosing Elite Golf Cruises. Please accept this email as
confirmation for the following information:

Name(s): XXX and YYY
Sail date: June 8, 2008 on the Carnival Conquest
Course(s): White Witch Golf Resort
Rentals: one set men's right handed, one set men's left handed*

Please meet your golf professional, Stuart Perry, at the Shore Tours Desk,
Atrium Lobby, Deck 3, Mid Ship, from 1:30 p.m. - 3:30 p.m. and then again
from 6 p.m. and 8 p.m. the day you board. At that time he will give you the
information you need for your tee time(s) as well as where and when to meet
for priority debarkation. As this is a shore excursion, payment will be
accepted through your Sail and Sign Card.

Once the ship has sailed, all cancellations are subject to a 25%
cancellation fee. Excursions cancelled within 24 hours of port arrival are
NON-refundable.

*All of the NIKE Slingshots are cavity back!

Have a wonderful time!

I don't golf. I've tried, and it just doesn't work for me. And I am not all that excited about going to Jamaica. But I read this e-mail, and it hit me -

WE'RE GOING ON A CRUISE IN JUNE! AND IT'S GOING TO BE A BLAST!

(woo-hoo!)

Added a Ticker

Just found the Cruise Clocks site, and added a ticker to this page, so I can always tell how long we have until sailing!

Plans are proceeding!

We had nearly my entire family over for Easter dinner this weekend (my brother was in Japan on business, eating live baby squid, poor guy), so we took advantage of the fact to try to coordinate our shore excursions. The idea was that no one under the age of 18 should go off on an excursion alone.

But it's pretty obvious - my family tends to like the same things. So a large group of us (including me) are going parasailing in Grand Cayman, and another large group is leaning toward horseback riding on the beach in Jamaica, and a third group are interested in something the cruise line refers to as "Sea Trek".

Sea Trek is a sort of modern version of old-style deep-sea diving. They give you a helmet connected to a hose, and you walk around, wearing this contraption, on the bottom of the ocean looking at fish. You emerge with your hair dry and your jaw unclenched, and no headache (at least, in theory) from wearing a too-tight mask so that it wouldn't leak. Could be cool. Although the picture of it on the shore excursions site shows a bunch of people in helmets standing around with nary a fish in sight.

Jamaica has been a bit problematic for all of us. I was reading reviews of our proposed cruise on Cruise Critic (www.cruisecritic.com), and saw references to armed gunmen and scary-crazy drivers, and we've really been struggling to decide if we should do anything there or just take advantage of in-port-day spa sales. I'm still leaning toward the latter, but the horseback riding has to happen there (the age limit is lower there than in Cozumel, which means everyone could go), and my husband and brother-in-law are already booked to play golf there.

My sister was more daring than I - she signed up on the Cruise Reviews forums and asked everyone there about it. Here's her question and all the answers, in case you're similarly concerned: http://cruise-chat.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/4361096441/m/1651006663.

On the wardrobe front, I'm making only marginal progress. At the moment, I'm thinking that I'll just take existing formal-night dresses, rather than buy new ones (especially after I realized that the TravelSmith reversible tank and skirt that I like only has the tank available in size S), but I think I might have found some shoes - Zappos is a wonderful site. They list 983 (I think) different pairs of sandals in the mythical size 10-1/2 (which is my mythical size), and there are a couple there that could do double duty for casual and formal nights.

I think we're well under 80 days - I haven't had an e-mail from Carnival in at least a week, telling me what the countdown is.

And the weather around here is starting to act more like spring, finally (yes, I know it's only been officially spring since Friday).

Luggage. Our goal: to reduce it this time!

If you scroll down a bit, you'll find an entry from our last cruise about the self-serve debarcation and what we had to do in order to manage it. Here's the list of luggage items that we brought onboard for 3 people for 1 week last year:

• 4 standard rolling suitcases of various sizes
• 1 rolling garment bag (which I didn't realize was a rolling bag until this morning)
• 2 canvas duffel bags
• 1 really heavy backpack (storage for the laptop, the DVD collection, and the physics book)

This trip, I, for one, am not going to contribute my 2-2/3 bags to the total. I want to put my entire cruise wardrobe into a single bag.

There are a couple of good reasons for this. First, I want to fly down without
luggage. That means that my bag has to fit (along with everyone else's) in whatever my husband and parents end up driving to Houston.

Second, somehow, 9 of the 14 of us have to get back to the airport, without leaving our luggage at the cruise terminal. That means it has to fit back into that same car/truck/SUV/bus. I don't think we'll all be traveling at once, and our flight back isn't until evening, but still - if the bags outnumber the people, that has to mean more trips to get everyone where they need to go.

Finally, I want to drag off again. It's less confusing, and we don't have to worry about our luggage taking another trip through the Western Caribbean without us.

Future posts about how the minimalism works out. For starters: can I really go a week on only 3 pairs of shoes?

Snorkeling, wonderful snorkeling!

I gather that the snorkeling is pretty good in Cozumel.  Not because I've heard that from my friends.  Not because I've read it anywhere on a travel website.  Certainly not from personal experience, since I've never been there.

 

It's just that every ship-sponsored shore excursion in Cozumel involves snorkeling.  Catamaran sail and snorkeling.  Jeep safari and snorkeling.  Zip line and snorkeling.  Horseback riding and snorkeling.  Dolphin encounter and snorkeling.  Kayaking and snorkeling.  Segway tour and snorkeling.  Fun day at the beach and snorkeling.  Tour of Mayan ruins and snorkeling.  Diamonds, tanzanites, and snorkeling.  Learn Mexican cuisine and snorkeling.  Parasail and snorkeling.  Two-tank scuba and snorkeling.  Snorkeling and snorkeling.

 

I might be exaggerating a bit, but not much.  The word "snorkeling" is starting to produce echoes of "Spam (spam-spam-spam)". 

 

Anyway, I'm sure it will be fabulous - at least, it would if I liked snorkeling.  It's just that I really stink at it.  Keeping my face in the water feels unnatural, so I lift my head to breathe.  And get a lungful of saltwater.  Apparently, when I take pictures, I close my mouth and breathe through my nose.  Try that when snorkeling with a waterproof camera.  Camera to face, close mouth, breathe through nose.  Mask suctions onto face, breathing fails, head jerks up, mouth opens, lungs gasp - and another lungful of saltwater.  It's just too hard.

 

So I'm looking for the excursion with "just a little bit of spam in it".  And then I'll stay on the boat and drink beer.

Getting on and off cruise ships

This is from an e-mail I sent my sister explaining the embarcation/debarcation rituals (mostly the latter) associated with cruising. Thought it might be generally useful.

Cruise times work something like this:

The ship will leave Sunday evening, but you should be able to start the boarding process (you thought airlines were a pain!) around noon. Anticipate lines. Do your paperwork online before leaving home, and bring copies with you. Wear comfortable shoes. Bring a book.

The crowds fluctuate, and the earlier you can be at the port, the better. If you get there at the exact right moment (you'll need a crystal ball to nail it exactly), you will breeze through with no waiting. It's really not all that bad, though - at least, it hasn't been for us, yet. And once you've handed in your paperwork and provided the all important credit card number for onboard charges, you'll be herded into the final waiting area and boarded by groups. Then, it's generally a matter of working your way through one last incomprehensible maze and you'll be greeted by the photography staff, ready to provide you with the first of many pictures that prove you really did go on a cruise. And then they let you get on the ship.

On the following Sunday, the ship will be in port docked just about at dawn. Two options exist for getting off: let them deal with the luggage, or drag it off yourself.

Let them deal with the luggage:

Depending on the poshness of your final cabin, and earliness of airline reservations (if Carnival knows about it), you will be allotted leaving groups, and you will get luggage tags to fill out. Everything except minor carryons gets packed, locked, and tagged by midnight Saturday (I think), and overnight the stewards will come and make all the bags vanish (you leave them in the corridors). Then, on Sunday morning, you gather with your group somewhere on the ship (auditorium, casino, lounge X, etc) and wait for them to call your tag color. At that point, you file off the ship, go through customs and immigration, and are shepherded to a barn where all the bags from the ship are laid out. This is where strategic tagging or luggage selection becomes important. Everyone in the US has a black, wheeled, carryon. If you bring yours, and you have a black luggage tag on it, you will be spending quality time in the barn finding which one's yours. On the other hand, if I'd held on to my hot pink Samsonite set from college graduation and used it, I could be out of there in about 15 seconds. So bring non-black luggage, and invest in the fluorescent (go with the ugly color - everyone has heard this tip too) nametags for each one. Once you have your bags, you're golden, and can get moving toward home. It will be before noon, but you shouldn't plan on flying out early-early on Sunday.

Drag it off yourself:

We did this last year on Princess, and Carnival has it too. You will still group/assemble somewhere, but you are responsible for dragging your own stuff off, and I think the customs/immigration process is a bit longer while they make sure you haven't brought back half of Mexico's liquor output for the year or something. Anyway, since you have everything with you, you don't get to visit the barn-o-luggage, and you can stick with basic black. On the other hand, since you have everything with you, juggling all of it can be a tad challenging. When we did it, we actually did some weird re-packing to allow us to stuff one entire suitcase into another, so we didn't have more than 2 per person. This option probably gets you off earlier than you might otherwise, especially if you don't have urgent flight issues or didn't stay in the "CEO sup er-deluxe VIP suite".

Here we go again!

Can't leave well enough alone...

We're scheduled to leave Galveston on June 8th on the Carnival Conquest, in a party of 14, I think it is (at the moment, anyway - it could get bigger). A triple occasion: my parents' 50th anniversary, our 20th, and my daughter's high school graduation. So my entire side of our extended family is booked on the cruise, along with a friend of my daughter's. 8 adults, two 18-year-olds, a 15-year-old, a 13-year-old, and two 11-year-olds. Could be a blast, could be utter chaos. I think I feel sorry for our waiters already - my family has an honored mealtime tradition of trying to get at least one person at the table to laugh so hard that milk comes out their nose. (Note to self - avoid red wine. That could be painful and expensive.)

This cruise is from a warm(ish) climate to a warm(er) climate, for a change. Maybe we won't need so many bags (luggage, not ziplocs; gotta have the ziplocs). Maybe we can leave home without worrying about dodging blizzards.

Not that the lack of local weather nastiness means clear sailing for all of us. Our travel plans break down like this:

• My husband, parents, daughter, and her friend are driving down to Galveston, starting on the 5th.
• I'm flying down with my sister and her family on the 7th.
• My brother's family are flying down on the morning of the 8th.

The ship sails at 4 or 5 pm on the 8th.
How many interesting things could happen? Guess we'll find out.

In the meantime, I'll post things about preparations: what I'm packing, how we get the myriad shore excursions organized so no one under 21 goes anywhere alone, stuff like that. Maybe it'll actually be helpful. If nothing else, it might keep me off the cruise advice websites. And it will be a nice balance to the stinky weather we're having here in March (it was 15 degrees this morning as I was gouging ice off my windshield - I'm SO done with Winter already!).

The drive home

Mostly, it was uneventful. A few interesting things occurred:

• We spent most of Saturday listening to the Fox News coverage of the avalanche on XM - and talking back to the anchors as they mangled the location of the slide as well as the details of what had happened and general information about avalanches. It was very good to hear that no one was killed.
• We chose to return via I-40 (reported for a while on Saturday as the location of the avalanche, by the way) and I-25, since snow was forecast for Vail Pass over the weekend. This was mostly a good choice, but we had a scare on Sunday. Just south of Santa Fe, we saw a highway warning sign: "I-25 CLOSED AT COLORADO BORDER. SEEK LODGING". Several phone calls later (in-laws with computers, New Mexico Road Conditions, and Colorado Road Conditions), we figured out that the sign was a little out of date and everything was open. High winds between Trinidad and Colorado Springs, though.

We're home now. I think it's probably about time to take the Christmas decorations down. And there's another blizzard forecast for this weekend, I hear. Woo hoo.

Vacation Photos

I think this will work - here is a link to my snapfish photo album. You will need to log in to see them.

http://www1.snapfish.com/share/p=22591168401076885/l=237347459/g=8577606/otsc=SYE/otsi=SALB

Hand Sanitizer

Apparently, my husband was not the only one worried about Norovirus. Things have changed since our last cruise. During the week we were onboard, the passengers collectively had the cleanest hands in the known universe - either that, or they never ate or left the ship. At every possible occasion, we were doused with hand sanitizer: in the buffet line, on entering any food service venue, when entering the theatre to see a show, when leaving the ship to go ashore, when returning to the ship from being ashore - at all these spots, there were a couple of crew members wielding pump bottles of hand sanitizer.

For the record, hand sanitizer tastes terrible. Under no circumstances should you lick your fingers after using it - especially not in conjunction with a meal.

A little more on the final sea day

Down a few posts, I mentioned that our last day at sea had been a bit bumpier than the rest of the cruise. As the day progressed, the weather actually deteriorated - at one point, we were headed nearly straight in to 37-knot winds, and the sea state was described as "rough" - 7-12' waves.

"Rough" was an understatement, in my opinion. At intervals, it felt as if the ship was slamming into the waves ahead of us - sound effects included. If you laid down, you felt as if you were pulling Gs occasionally - floating and being pressed into the bed.

I still maintain that I wasn't seasick - I was never even queasy. But shortly after lunch, I became convinced that I really needed to spend the rest of the cruise lying down - it just took too much energy to deal with all that motion. Probably a good policy, all things considered - we later heard that the medical department was overwhelmed with sick people, and there were some broken bones amongst the passengers. They ended up draining the pools, and some of the art for the art auctions was damaged. Nasty day, all told.

I owe it to my conscience to mention that both my husband and daughter actually got up and went to dinner that night - apparently they're both hardier sailors than I am.

And the captain was right, eventually - when I woke up at 2 am it had flattened out.

Blecch.

The Onboard Spa

All shipboard spas are run by the same company: Steiner of London. It is not obvious that this is the case for Princess Cruises - they only refer to their spas as the "Lotus Spas", which made me think that it might be run by a different group. Once we got on board, the Steiner label started surfacing, and the spa experience was very similar on this cruise to our Alaska cruise on Royal Caribbean. The spa technicians, whether hair stylists, nail technicians, massage therapists, or fitness instructors, are all masters of the upsell. On Royal Caribbean, our daughter had a facial. After it, we met her in the corridor outside our room, and she was carrying a huge shopping bag. They had handed her a raft of skincare products without telling her that there was a charge for them. To even things up, we told her older sister that she could go on a similar product-buying spree, and I vowed to be more vigilant on this trip.

We mostly did okay. During the spa tour on the first day aboard, they showed us their "thermal suite" - heated tile benches, an oriental-themed sauna, two steam rooms, and the "rainforest shower". We could buy passes to this marvel for $70 per person, $109 for a couple, or $175 for a family. Since I'd spent so much time in the (free) steam room and sauna on our Alaska cruise, this seemed like something we needed to do, so we handed over the cards. Subsequent to our purchase of the passes, I found out that the changing rooms included a (free) sauna and steam room, just like on the Alaska trip. They, of course, didn't mention these features of the spa during the tour.

I got upsold on a massage the first day out - nasty hotel beds had left me with a really stiff back, and I wanted a massage similar to what we get at home - deep tissue, including the use of elbows and little pointed sticks when necessary to get the trigger points to release a bit. The receptionist convinced me to spend an additional $60 to get the hot stones massage, because it would go deeper than the sports massage and was an hour and 15 minutes instead of the 50-minute sports massage. I suppose it did go deeper - and it was nice, but for what I paid for it, I could have had a 3-hour massage at home. I resisted buying any aromatherapy products that would supposedly reduce my muscle tension, as well as a product that would help my arthritic thumb joints.

I also went to one of the complimentary seminars in the fitness center: Keys to a Flatter Stomach. I'm always in favor of a flatter stomach, so we trotted up to absorb knowledge. And I'll now share my knowledge with you. Complimentary, too. The key to a flatter stomach is apparently cleansing. Specifically, cleansing using organic seaweed and algae compounds only sold in the spa. For anywhere from 3 months to a year. At $100/month. But before you can tell whether you can slide by on 3 months' worth or if you're in for the long haul, you have to spring for an electronic metabolism assessment at $33. Needless to say, my stomach is no flatter today than it was before the seminar.

Our daughter had a manicure/pedicure during a port day. When she signed up for it, the receptionist reminded her to bring along her discount coupon to get 15% off - and she did. What the receptionist did not tell her was that all in-port manicure/pedicures were reduced in price by $40 from the at-sea price - and they took the 15% off the at-sea price. And then tried to sell her some sort of oil to help with the dry skin on her heels. We said no. And I think on any future cruises, I will avoid these joints like the plague.

Shipboard Shopping

There are about 5 shops onboard the ship. When we're at sea, they're open; they stay closed in port to force everyone to shop on shore. All onboard purchases are done with our room keys, which makes it fatally easy to spend to the point of shock on the last day. The onboard shops offer beach-related stuff (swimsuits, sarongs, sunblock, aloe), formal wear, giftware of various sorts, jewelry, duty-free liquor, perfume, and souvenir clothing. And they spill over into the atrium - nearly every day there's been something for sale on tables in the public areas - loose gemstones, watches, port-theme t-shirts and hats, the inch-of-gold concession, swarovski crystal jewelry.

In the early days of the cruise, before we hit our first port, the ship's "shopping staff" conducted several seminars on shopping in port. Interestingly enough, the seminars referred us to the same set of stores in every port - and even more interesting, it was the same set of stores that Royal Caribbean referred us to in Alaska: Diamonds International, Tanzanite International, Pacific Jewelry, Del Sol, Senor Frogs (okay, that one was new). The small print indicates that these stores have paid a "promotional fee" to the cruise line to be included in the recommended shops list, and that they will all honor a 30-day money-back guarantee on their merchandise. And if we were so unlucky as to miss the live seminars, at least one of the in-room TV channels had a recorded pitch.

Ship-sponsored tours include stops at the recommended shops, where the tour group is provided with a "welcome drink" and invited to shop. Even the taxis in Mazatlan had what appeared to be preset routes that ended at a recommended shop. Our first taxidriver deposited us at Diamonds International, and when we left that area to go to the old town area (way cool, by the way), that taxidriver took us right to yet another bloody jewelry store.

I really didn't come on this trip to shop. Maybe some of the other 3000 passengers did, but the constant sales pitches have begun to get on my nerves. I succumbed twice - I bought a bracelet from the inch-of-gold lady, and a pair of fire opal earrings at what turned out to be a recommended shop (not anything named ...International, though). And I ended up with the earrings sort of by surprise. I didn't intend to bargain for them. When the lady at the shop told me that they were $80, I figured I could live without fire opal earrings. When I was waiting for my husband to finish buying vanilla (a request from several family members), she asked me if I would buy them for $50, and I said no again. We left the store (or so I thought) and were looking in the window of another one, and she came up and asked if I would buy them for $30. Well, at that price, I caved, and I'm glad I have them, but it was a little weird.

Shipboard Food

I really wasn't kidding about 24x7 food service around here. The buffet is open 24 hours a day, and room service is available within 15 minutes of a phone call. We've been doing buffet for breakfast (my daughter's been doing room service), buffet or the burger grill for lunch, and the formal dining room for dinner. A typical breakfast menu at the buffet goes like this:

• orange and cranberry juice
• milk
• cold cereal
• granola
• oatmeal
• canned pears
• prunes in juice
• fresh fruit salad
• whole fresh fruit
• link sausage
• "specialty" sausage
• ham or canadian bacon
• regular bacon
• broiled tomatoes
• sauteed mushrooms
• cold sliced turkey breast
• cold smoked salmon
• bagels
• toast
• english muffins
• dinner rolls
• croissants
• sweet rolls
• cream cheese
• sour cream
• cottage cheese
• cubed assorted cheese
• fried eggs
• grits
• scrambled eggs
• omelets
• "specialty" eggs
• fried rice
• yogurt
• tea/coffee/water

I think that's everything - I may have missed a few things. Lunch provides a similar range of items, and adds a variety of desserts. They also have a special lunch buffet each day - they've had sushi, fajitas, and a sandwich bar that I've noticed. Today's special buffet is all desserts - if you don't feel like you've got your calorie intake to the right level for the trip yet.

And then there's dinner. We've stuck with our dining room assignment for dinner throughout the cruise, partly because it starts 1/2 hour earlier than the buffet does, and partly because our table mates have turned out to be really nice, interesting people. The dinner menu covers 5 courses each night: appetizer, soup, salad, entree, dessert - I don't think I've done them all at a single meal yet. Last night was the really formal dinner menu (formal night 2) - the entrees included lobster, roast pheasant, and beef wellington, and baked alaska was one of the dessert choices. Our headwaiter, Dana, is almost too helpful - when I asked her which she would recommend between the pheasant and the beef wellington, she suggested that I'd enjoy the beef more, but offered to bring me a sample of the pheasant along with it, so I could try that as well. It was good, but as a result, I didn't finish the beef, and only wanted some sorbet for dessert.

For about the last three days, we've been trying to taper off - more salads at lunch, things like that. And it works - for a while. About 4 pm yesterday I was ravenous, and ended up having a burger and fries. When the nutrition experts recommend 5-6 small meals a day, I don't think that's quite what they have in mind, somehow.

A bunch of stuff after the fact

Since posting turned out to be near impossible while on the ship (dead slow and at 50 cents/minute, not something I wanted to do for long), I'll wrap this up with a series of short postings on various life-on-a-cruise topics, rather than trying to do a chronological diary.

At the moment (Friday morning), we are about 400 miles from Los Angeles, just west of Baja. Land is periodically visible from the stateroom window, which I find somewhat reassuring, because the water between us and the land is moving more than it has all week. I first noticed it at 4:00 am, when I woke up to find that the ship had acquired a new rhythm - shimmy-shimmy-shimmy-shimmy, followed by up/down-up/down-up/down. It was pitch dark in the room, which left me with no other sensory input than shimmy-shimmy-shimmy-shimmy, up/down-up/down-up/down for about 2 hours. It's not making any of us sick, but I'm about ready to get into a motionless hotel room for a while. The swimming pools have turned into wave pools this morning, and it's cloudy and kind of cold - we're running almost directly into a 25-knot breeze (with the ship's own speed, we're getting nearly 45-knot winds onboard, so most people are staying inside. The captain is promising that things will flatten out later - but he didn't qualify "later", so I guess he could be referring to the period immediately after we tie up in LA.

A good day to do some packing. We have signed up for the "walk-off" disembarkation process, which means that we get off the ship around 8 am tomorrow (more time to drive home). It also means that we're absolutely on our own as regards luggage - if we can't drag it off by ourselves, it's staying here. We have with us the following:

• 4 standard rolling suitcases of various sizes
• 1 rolling garment bag (which I didn't realize was a rolling bag until this morning)
• 2 canvas duffel bags
• 1 really heavy backpack (storage for the laptop, the DVD collection, and the physics book)

Our goal for today is to reduce the number of rolling bags by at least one, by means of cramming more of our possessions into fewer of the suitcases, so that we can pack the smallest rolling bag into the largest and take them off as a single bag. I think we're going to make it.

New Year's Eve: Matching Purse and Shoes (and toenails, and fingernails, and lipstick)

I blame it all on "Real Simple". I'm not sure why, but I have a horrid addiction to that magazine. Something about the fact that every month, they manage to create a 200+ page magazine all about simplifying life just fascinates me - that, and all the ads for high-end household stuff - apparently, life without Le Creuset and All-Clad is not really simple. Anyway, the December issue had a section that discussed party dresses, since the party season was upon us, and in that section, they showed a really cute little black dress by Isaac Mizrahi for Target. Fifty bucks, which was practically free by comparison to some of the other options. It had a very plain top and a short gathered skirt and a belt - sort of an Audrey Hepburn mid-century vibe to it. I saw it and thought, "Perfect for formal night!" And a couple of weeks later, I was in Target, and there it was, so I tried it on. Thank God I had my husband with me, since he insisted that I also try on the strapless black satin sheath (same designer, same price). I did not look anything like Audrey Hepburn in the dress I liked. Actually, I looked like one of my great aunts. Lovely ladies, both of them were, but definitely on the frumpy side. So I ended up with the strapless number.

I don't know if it was Real Simple, or some other magazine, that convinced me that I needed a pair of red shoes to go with it. And here again, the planets seemed to align. I anticipated a long and intense and annoying search, since I have feet that shoe manufacturers don't apparently believe actually exist - I'm a size 10-1/2 (go look. Shoes come in half sizes up to size 10, and above that, they only make whole sizes). But we were in DSW shortly after buying the dress, and I tried on a pair of red satin spike heels in size 10, just for a laugh (they were on clearance, too), and damned if they didn't fit. They were even fairly comfortable.

From there the nail polish, lipstick, and purse were merely trivial efforts. And so here I am on New Year's Eve, about four inches taller than normal, mincing down the passageways (the ship getting bigger by the minute), and cursing the ease with which those stupid shoes appeared. Maybe the devil wears Prada, but he supplies Rampage for those of us that want the torture without spending quite so much.

I look good, though. As long as I stand very still. Otherwise, the grimacing kind of takes away from the overall impression.

Sailing Day

Miscellaneous stuff.

Cruise-related things my husband worries about:

• One of us mysteriously falling overboard
• One of us being mysteriously kidnapped while in Mexico
• Sharks
• Norovirus

Cruise-related things I worry about:

• The Poseidon Adventure - why that particular movie was mentioned in yesterday's USA Today, I don't know, but it deals with a ship turning turtle due to a rogue wave, on New Year's Eve. Coincidence? I sincerely hope so. I'll have to exert substantial energy to think of other things until Monday comes.

I would really like someone to explain to the hotel industry that, when buying sheets, "300 count" and "300 grit" are not the same thing. And that the "StaySmart" sheets at the Holiday Inn Express, with their woven-in pattern of stripes, simply make their guests feel as if they've been sleeping on a BBQ grill.

It's sunny outside here. Hope the snow is letting up.